⏱ 2 min read
The Short Version
Stop being so nice; the wine industry is dying because it lacks the delicious friction of insecurity. To reclaim prestige, we must trade effortless accessibility for social gatekeeping, scarcity, and the high-stakes thrill of making a mistake.
Wine is too good, and frankly, the industry is far too nice. While enthusiasts celebrate accessibility and “drink what you like” philosophies, these soothing sentiments are driving consumers away. To get people queuing at the door, we need less fun and significantly more unpleasantness.
Five Ways Your Choice Of Wine Makes You Look Stupid.
Lessons from Cosmetics and Cutlery
The cosmetics industry understands something winemakers do not: insecurity drives consumption. People buy expensive creams based on headlines warning them they are making mistakes or aging prematurely. The wine world could adopt a similar tactic by suggesting that poor pairing choices make a person look foolish. Instead of telling a guest their preference is valid, we should insist that a specific shepherd’s pie requires nothing less than a five-year-old Xinomavro with 30% new oak. Five Ways Your Choice Of Wine Makes You Look Stupid. Even glassware could become a tool for exclusion; if a diner lacks the Riedel glass required for a Grand Cru, perhaps they should be relegated to the village wine. This mirrors the psychological function of Victorian cutlery—from snail forks to jam spoons—designed to create social insecurity through specialized knowledge.
Reclaiming Risk and Scarcity
Modern wine has become as dull and predictable as frozen peas. We have lost the delicious suspense of cork taint, which once provided a legitimate risk-taker’s thrill during that first tentative sniff. To bring back excitement, the industry needs more friction. We should emulate the chaos of the Smithfield meat market or the long, uncomfortable queues at the Bayreuth Festival or Brixton’s Electric. Rather than effortless e-commerce, merchants should act like car rentals: you reserve in advance, only to find your selection unavailable, while being asked if you want extra insurance against breakage. Imagine a Primeur campaign where clients must wave cash in the air at Berry Bros to secure an allocation, or producers bottling every single barrel separately to ensure no two experiences are identical. The trade needs excitement, risk, and a healthy dose of struggle. You’re welcome.
Do you think making wine harder to access would increase its prestige, or simply alienate the next generation of drinkers?
Questions & Answers
Why does the wine industry need more friction and unpleasantness?
The wine industry needs more friction to drive consumption and create excitement by moving away from overly accessible and soothing philosophies. By introducing elements of insecurity and difficulty, the trade can emulate successful industries like cosmetics that use psychological drivers to engage consumers. This approach aims to replace the current predictability of modern wine with the delicious suspense found in risk-taking, such as the possibility of encountering cork taint or navigating complex social requirements.
How can specialized knowledge and tools be used to create social insecurity in wine?
Specialized knowledge and tools create social insecurity by establishing strict standards that can make consumers feel foolish if they fail to meet them. For example, the industry could insist on specific, highly technical wine pairings for certain foods to make poor choices feel socially risky. Similarly, requiring specialized glassware, such as specific Riedel glasses for Grand Cru wines, acts as a tool for exclusion similar to how Victorian cutlery functioned to separate those with knowledge from those without.
What methods can merchants use to reclaim scarcity and risk in the wine trade?
Merchants can reclaim scarcity by implementing logistical hurdles and unpredictable availability that mimic high-stress environments like meat markets or crowded festivals. Instead of relying on effortless e-commerce, merchants could adopt a model where reservations do not guarantee selection, much like a car rental service. Other methods include hosting Primeur campaigns that require immediate cash payments to secure allocations or having producers bottle every barrel separately to ensure that no two drinking experiences are ever identical.
How does the cosmetics industry drive consumption compared to the wine industry?
The cosmetics industry drives consumption by leveraging consumer insecurity through marketing that suggests people are making mistakes or aging prematurely. This differs from the current wine industry, which focuses on accessibility and the idea that every preference is valid. To match the success of cosmetics, the wine trade could shift its focus toward suggesting that incorrect wine choices or improper equipment make a person appear unrefined or foolish in social settings.
Originally reported by Tim Atkin.
